Kyler (he) → Kyler (she/they) 10.11.21

Because it’ll become apparent at work, I wanted to share some personal changes I’m making. I’m transitioning to female, which’ll involve voice, dress, and appearance changes. This has been a rewarding and wonderful change in my life, and I hope you can join me in being excited for the coming changes.

How can I support you?

  • Show your support for me, privately or publicly (this is scary for me to share!)
  • Do your best with pronouns, correct yourself when you catch yourself using the wrong ones, and move on
  • Continue building cool stuff with me — our work is important, and this shouldn’t distract from it

FAQs More Specific to Me:

There are more FAQs from HR in the attached PDF. Here’s some FAQs I wrote up to avoid answering the same questions a few dozen times 😊

What does this mean for me?

  • I’ll be changing how I dress, and otherwise evolving, Pokémon style, to a feminine appearance
  • I’m changing my pronouns, and hope you can remember to use them (I believe in you!)

What does “transgender” mean? E.g., what is “sex” vs “gender”?

  • Sex is assigned at birth by medical staff based on physical stuff
  • Gender is the social role, or self-image of ourselves, that lives in our brain. Like sexuality, it’s not a choice or conscious decision. (Do you wake up and think about what gender you are?)
  • “Transgender” means that birth sex doesn’t match “gender”. The best fix we know is to catch up your appearance to your self-image, which is called “transitioning”

What does she/they mean? I want to use the right pronouns for you!

  • Everyone has pronouns, and it’s how you’d like to be addressed. Imagine someone’s name is Franklin, and they ask you to call them Frank
  • Most people prefer specific, gendered pronouns — usually he/him for male folks, and she/her for female. I don’t have a strong affinity for either she/her or they/them, so please feel free to use whichever is more comfortable or memorable for you : )
  • This is a hilarious TikTok about using they/them for a singular person

What should I do if I use the wrong pronouns?

  • Correct yourself and move on. There’s no need to formally apologize, or pull me aside, or anything like that. I still misgender myself (use the wrong pronouns) in my head sometimes too!

Why talk about your personal life at work?

  • I’m part of the first generation that prizes bringing your “whole self” to work, even the parts of you that don’t have a utility. I want to be as authentically myself as I can, and I can do that best if I tell you who I am
  • I’m a talkative, privileged, leader. My visibility creates space for the people who will come after me

What should I do if I have further questions?

  • Google them! There’s lots of resources online that can help answer your FAQs
  • Talk to HR

What’s inappropriate to ask?

I’m sure I missed some people with this initial email. Please feel free to forward around inside the company.

Thanks so much for reading. Looking forward to working with all of you, the same as before, but a little bit better!





DevNetSecOps, DevRel, cloud security chick. I will teach you, it’s unavoidable. She/Her 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈, INFJ-A, support the EFF!

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Kyler Middleton

Kyler Middleton

DevNetSecOps, DevRel, cloud security chick. I will teach you, it’s unavoidable. She/Her 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈, INFJ-A, support the EFF!